Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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