wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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