the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
