So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
