This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
