My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
