please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We're too hungover to prance.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
