dude i'm inner monologue high
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
