You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
