I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
