If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
