Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
