i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Walk of Shame today included voting.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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