Got a toothbrush?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
