So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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