I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
