He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
