I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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