can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
