Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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