ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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