Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
