i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
