p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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