Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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