Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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