i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
