ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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