So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
