u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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