I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
