i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
