I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the day after is always just damage control
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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