every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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