he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
