Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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