so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
