i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
