i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
