i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
