Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
