So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
