I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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