i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
