please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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