I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
