The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
