I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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