youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You made out with two different species that night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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