John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
